Being the only person of color in your workgroup can be culturally isolating and demoralizing. You feel pressured to compromise your cultural expressions. From accents to hairstyles, you second guess how “ethnic” you want to be today. Rumors about you benefiting from affirmative action and reverse discrimination are being circulated in earshot of your cube. Peers question your expertise and qualifications. You are blatantly not invited to the after-work/non-work-related get-togethers. You feel alone, alienated, completely socially isolated.
But there is hope. There are plenty of opportunities for you to manage and thrive in such a setting. We will cover just a few tactics for you to consider on your journey to inclusion and success.
Start Inward: The War Begins with the Battle Within
Being the only person of color in a group can mess with your head if you do not take the appropriate precautions. This is especially true if it is your first time joining a corporate setting.
Don’t be discouraged, be human. Remember, you are human and so are your colleagues. If you view yourself as “the other,” you’ll likely behave as “the other.” You will even exclude yourself from settings that are intended to be inclusive. Our perception shapes our reality. Thus, you can be your own greatest hurdle to inclusion. Reinforcing your perspective with a high sense of self-worth, a belief and understanding that your intrinsic value is indisputable, you can move with confidence and inner peace.
Confidence and inner peace will lessen your dependency for acceptance, validation, and affirmations from others in general. Searching for validation of self-worth in the culturally isolating workplace is like looking for kale at Popeye’s Chicken. Seeking feedback on work product or assessing customer satisfaction is one thing. Wishing to be validated as an amazing person, acknowledged as good looking, or being praised as a favorite person can lead to some self-destructive behaviors.
On one end of the spectrum, we have the hostile hermit. Overwhelmed by the lack of validation, some become this angry recluse, pushing everyone else away so they can say they are the one doing the rejecting. On the other end of the spectrum is the assimilated. These individuals commit cultural apostasy, seeking the praise of the dominant culture by changing their accent and hiding their true self to match something the majority are most acquainted and comfortable with. Some go so far as to adopt the dominant workplace culture in dress, speech patterns, hobbies, values, and even their worldview. Dezz dem sellout tendencies.
What we should strive for is a balance between these two extremes. Where we express ourselves as we are, seek to communicate in common terms and connect with everyone without committing cultural apostasy. Finding this balance requires that self-worth that comes from a higher degree of self-awareness. But how do we achieve this higher self-awareness? By managing our perspective.
Take control of your perception by monitoring your self-talk. Guard your consciousness against that inner voice, whispering negative and degrading thoughts about yourself and others. Use meditation, prayer, journaling, and the wise counsel of your most trusted and honest friend, mentor or coach to help you reflect and filter your thoughts. During this reflection, you are looking to distinguish facts from assumptions. Assumptions can be the Trojan Horse of pessimism, low self-worth and the unfair persecution of others.
Filtering your consciousness is a powerful way to manage your self-talk. Filter your consciousness by interrogating yourself, think of it as an emotional audit. For example, say you find your inner voice saying, “I know this team does not want me here.” The best question you can ask yourself is “How do I know that?” This little five-word question is ridiculously powerful. Think Kanye getting at sway with the iconic “HOW SWAY?!” To answer this question, you must consider the evidence and not just feelings. If you are in honest pursuit of the truth, this question will help filter facts from fiction.
Now Look Outward
As you reflect on yourself, identify and reflect on the similarities you share with your coworkers. This will humanize your coworkers. Cultural differences are great until they become the primary focus of interaction between people. Focusing on the differences between you and your coworkers can enhance the feelings of isolation. You begin to paint a picture where you become an alien observing an unknown species in its natural habitat (or vice versa). Stop that. Your coworkers are humans like you. Their expression of self may be different, but their essence is the same as yours.
Instead, search for commonality. In commonality, we find familiarity. In familiarity, we can find comfort with each other. And comfort is the foundation for any peaceful relationship. With every interaction, we should minimally seek to maintain if not increase comfort with every encounter.
Find commonality by focusing on the interests of others. Interests drive people and with their deepest emotions firmly attached. So, as you identify with one’s interests, you identify with their deepest emotions. Be patient with this though. Getting to people’s interests will take time depending on your approach and their temperament.
Now, make the first move. Invite one coworker at a time to lunch or coffee so that you can familiarize yourselves with everyone. Though we as cultural minorities are not responsible for the exclusionary environments we endure, we can be the catalyst for change and inclusion within those environments. After all, you took the job for the money and you do want to be successful. Getting that money and being successful in these culturally isolating work environments will require some work on our end. This type of work can be challenging, but the reward of peace in the place you spend most of your time is priceless.